It's 1:04AM on Thursday, October 8th. This is surgery day for Austin and I can not fall asleep to save my life.

I just checked on him in his room. He is asleep, hopefully dreaming good thoughts about the day ahead.

This afternoon, Austin will have surgery to remove a non-cancerous type tumor from his inner right ear. It is a delicate operation, one which is expected to take upwards of 4 hours. This is a condition we found out about only 2 weeks ago. Now it comes to this day.

We've known for 2 weeks that Austin needed surgery. Our doctor told us to break it to him later rather than sooner. The thought being if he took the news badly he would only have days, instead of weeks, to gnash his teeth. We told him Tuesday night and he took it amazingly well. Meanwhile, Mandy and I were trying not to throw up.

Tonight (Wednesday), Mandy, Austin and Cameron took a little kids tour of the hospital, so he would know what to expect and be a little familiar with the surroundings. They then came to see me at work and it got to me a little bit; on the tour, they gave Austin a kids sized surgical mask and scrub hat. To see his bright shining face surrounded by "surgical blue" hurt a little bit. I wish he did not have to go through this but he does and I can't stop it. That is such a powerless feeling for a parent. I am suppose to protect him from pain and harm and this time, I can't do it and it hurts. I feel like I am somehow letting him down.

When I got home from work tonight, everyone was fast asleep. On the kitchen counter was a coloring book detailing what it's like when kids have surgery. It was written from a kids point of view, to help them understand. The pictures showed kids saying good-bye to their parents and going off to surgery, then it shows kids going under anesthesia then waking up in post-op. Bless the hearts of the people who made that book. Their intent is to not make the process so fearful. I will tell you I leafed through the pages and cried. This would be Austin's reality soon.

I have heard from a lot of family and friends in recent weeks and thank God for them. I have heard how kids bounce back from stuff like this and I sure hope it's true for Austin's sake. But later today, when I see them wheel him away to surgery and I can't be with him, I don't know how I will react. I have a huge Poppa Bear complex where the boys are concerned.

This tumor is non-cancerous which is a huge blessing. That being said, the procedure to get it out will be delicate. We are told a cut will be made behind the right ear to gain access to the tumor. However we have also been told it is possible that some bone may have to be cut through as well to get to this area. Also, this area of the head is sensitive in the sense that a lot of nerve endings are located here. So before the surgery, the nerves on the right side of Austin's head will essentially be "put to sleep" so they don't react (or fire) during the surgery. We have also been told that there is a possibility that after this is removed, it could grow back. I am praying that is not the case.

One of my closest friends in the world is named Trent Rice. He told me not so long ago that the real challenge of all this is handing your child over to well trained, well intentioned strangers. Sioux Falls is truly blessed to have such a wealth of medical knowledge and experience in town. We feel totally confident in the skills of both our doctor and our surgeon. It bothers me though to type that as I never envisioned Austin needing a surgeon.

So now it's 1:21AM. I am sitting here staring at my computer screen wondering what this day will hold. What a test that lies ahead for our family. Cameron, being so young, is blessed with the gift of ignorance. He doesn't know what's going on and how serious it is. Austin too is partially blessed; he has a working understanding of the situation and that's it. I can't bring myself to use the word "tumor" in front of him. I can hardly say it when he's not around. In just a few hours, Mandy and I will have to kiss Austin on his forehead and watch him as he is wheeled away from us and into a surgical suite where a surgeon will work to fix him up and make him better. Mandy and I will then sit in a waiting room where minutes will feel like hours, wondering all the while if everything is going OK and praying that it is. We will be hoping for the best while envisioning and fearing the worst until we know for sure what the outcome is. We will then go to post op where we will see our son hooked up to tubes and monitors as we wait for him to wake up.

I don't think of myself as a pessimist. But with nearly 20 years of news experience, I have had a front row seat to the best and worst of life. I know there are times when good guys finish last and seen innocent people suffer for no reason. Life doesn't always make sense. This situation with Austin doesn't make sense. You never think it will be your child. I never thought it would be my child. It is.

I am praying for strength and patience for Mandy and myself, for skill and guidance for the surgeon and his team and for healing for Austin. I am kind of a tough nut to crack. Not many things get to me or bother me or hit me in my core. What does get to me is the safety and well being of Mandy and Austin and Cameron. By a simple twist of fate, Austin is sick. We will get him better. But the road there is long and painful and I am so very sad he has to go through it. He does not travel alone. So many of you have been so good in sending along your best wishes. Don't think I don't appreciate it, because I do.

I am fortunate to have the job that I do. I love the news business and I love playing a role in keeping you informed of the world around you. That being said, the job I love the most is husband and dad. For the next couple of days, I will be away taking care of Austin. Please keep him in your thoughts and thank you so very much.

Brian