They call it the Sandwich Generation: people who care for not only their own children, but a parent as well. Around 73,000 South Dakotans fit that description. But making plans for how you will care for your parents is a conversation that should happen earlier than later.

Bonnie Reynolds knows all about caring for an aging parent. Her father, Arved settled into Trail Ridge Retirement Community After his wife passed away.  Bonnie says, "It was great for several years, his lifestyle was fantastic here. He started to blossom, he started to paint again. He was oil painting. That was his favorite thing to do."

But about three years ago, Arved suffered a debilitating stroke. Bonnie recalls, "After his stroke, we just knew that was a thing we had to do. Dad didn't want to have anybody but his family care for him." Bonnie's five sisters were scattered around the country, but they soon found themselves united by the task of deciding what was best for their dad.

But the process wasn't easy. Bonnie says, "We were selfish, too, thinking of, how is this going to change my life, you know?" After all, they were torn between jobs,children, and the desire to make their father happy. It's a position a growing number of families are finding themselves in today.

Tami Haugen-Lund with Interim Healthcare says, "It's a very private thing, but I think sometimes knowing there are places out there that can help you and people that are there to listen and kind of guide you down the right path, it helps." Tami is also part of the alliance for caregiver education. It's a local group aimed at helping people in the sandwich generation make decisions about how to deal with elderly parents. She says sometimes it's hard to get the conversation started with your mom and dad. Tami says it's not so much about having one big conversation, but many smaller ones. Tami adds that it's better to talk earlier than later. She says, "I think we all need to take time to just visit about it. Even at this age, I'm talking to my mom, who works full-time, my dad who works full-time yet, and saying, 'Boy, what do you think, grandpa and grandma are going through this now, what do you want?'"

What they want could be anything from a retirement community, to living with a family member for as long as they are able." Tami says,"Sometimes they'll be honest, other times they're just as afraid as you are to have that conversation. But I think over time, you can have those minute conversations and you'll get a good grasp of what they want for their outcomes."

Experts say when you wait to make important choices in a crisis situation, sometimes the best decision isn't made. So once you know what your parents want, where do you go to find the resources you need? Tomorrow, we'll tell you where you can find help on everything from your parents' finances to caregiver support for yourself. That's in Returning The Love: Part 2.