The holidays can be difficult for divorced parents and their children. Who gets the kids and how to deal with a blended family.

The biggest thing to remember: no one's holiday is ever perfect. That said, there are some things stepfamilies can do to make this time of year a little more relaxing.

When parents are divorced, psychologist Nadine Kaslow says they need to put their children first. But she admits, that's not always easy during the stressful holiday season.

"Dealing with the divorce around the holidays is extremely difficult," said psychologist Nadine Kaslow.  

Kaslow recommends former spouses talk ahead of time about holiday arrangements and resist the urge this time of year to tackle long-standing family problems.

"They've held up their negative feelings or their resentments throughout the year or throughout the years and they want to work it out over the holidays and i don't think that's what's the best use of the holidays for most families," stated Kaslow.

Instead, she recommends stepfamilies temper their expectations and create new traditions that will give meaning to the holidays.

Kaslow said, "Rituals that are well done give everybody a role in them from the youngest child to the oldest adult so that everybody has an important part to play."

Kaslow believes making plans that are respectful and realistic will relieve some of the stress that can be created when coping with divorce.

Kaslow also says find activities that allow your stepfamily members to do something together: attend a play, decorate a tree, or build a snowman together.